Lunch Roulette


My office is tucked in a little industrial park, pretty much close to nothing as far as lunch fare is concerned.  The closest thing within grab-n-go distance is a Wendy’s off the interstate, so that’s usually where I end up. Generally speaking, I like Wendy’s food — they’ve got a decent selection at a decent price, and have some reasonably healthy options on the menu.  But this one in particular has got to be the world’s worst.

We’ve nicknamed the Wendy’s noontime ordeal “lunch roulette” — akin to Russian roulette, except with food.  You pull the trigger on your order, and you’re never really sure what you’re going to get until it’s too late. They give you the wrong food, forget the salad dressing, or send you off with an inordinate amount of plastic knives.  What’s in the bag today?  It’s anybody’s guess.

This week they didn’t even wait until I picked up the food to fuck with me.

 

Speaker:  Welcome to Wendy’s. Can I take your order?

Me:  I’d like a plain baked potato with butter (polite pause for order entry), a side salad with French dressing (another polite pause), and a medium Hi-C*.

*I like Hi-C.  Shut up.

Speaker:  OK — a baked potato, and what else?

Me:  (mental sigh) A side salad with French dressing. And a medium Hi-C.

Speaker:  Um… we don’t have French dressing.

Me:  (strange… they had French dressing yesterday…) What are my dressing options?

Speaker:  We have Fat Free French.

Me:  Um.. (no, no, don’t go there — it’s just not worth it.) Yes, that will work fine.

Speaker:  Will that complete your order?

Me:  And a medium Hi-C, please.

Speaker:  (sounding more than slightly annoyed) We’re OUT of Hi-C.

Me:  Sorry, I was not aware.

Speaker:  Will that complete your order?

Me:  (Well, not really but…) Sure…

 

I proceeded to drive around, hand over my money, and collect my mystery bag.

The contents:  1 overcooked baked potato, no butter.  One side salad with Fat Free French dressing. 3 forks, 1 straw (??) and no napkins.

 

Lunch should just not be this hard.  Quite frankly, the stale Cheez-Its in the vending machine are looking better every day…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Colleen Clifford

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