I’m sleepy. You take the wheel.

Colleen Clifford

Is Your Time Expired?

For this week’s post I’ve got… nothin’.

Nada. Zip. Bubkus.

It’s been one of those weeks where I’ve just had way too much to do, and not enough time to get it all done.  The blog post kept getting pushed back, and now it’s 10:30 Monday night. I’m tired and cranky and really don’t feel like writing one, so I’m exercising my right to not to.

Hey — you wanna take over for me?  

C’mon, this is your big chance to be the reigning writer of Purgatory for a week!  Limited bragging rights and all that. Write something interesting about whatever interests you, and email it to me at colleenclifford@pickingdaisiesinpurgatory.com.  (Yes, I know, that’s an insanely long email address.  Consider it a good excuse to practice your typing skills.)  If it entertains and/or enlightens me, I’ll post it on up here.

Thanks!

 

 

 

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Open doors

Colleen Clifford

Patti Smith nowIsn’t it amazing how much one person can affect the life of another, and not even know it?

Back when I was in high school, I was one of those kids who never really felt like they belonged. The town I lived in felt too constraining, too small to hold all of my dreams and ambitions. None of my friends shared the same musical tastes or career goals. None of them shared my need to escape the familiar and see what the wider world had to offer. They happily aspired to living normal lives with normal jobs; perhaps they’d even in stay in Deptford to raise their families just as their parents had done.

I wanted out.

When I was about 16, I complained to my mother in an overdramatized outpouring of teenage melancholy about how trapped I felt in this town. That, having been born and raised here, I was doomed. Probably stuck here forever. Why on earth would the big exciting wide world ever accept me in, some podunk chick from such a small, unexciting place?

Without a word my mother got up and left the room. (I figured she had had enough of my whiny rant.) A few minutes later she came back in, toting a slightly yellowing copy of the 1964 Dorian — her high school yearbook.

My mom was quite familiar with this town I was complaining about, because she grew up in it, too. In fact, it was even smaller when she was my age, barely a blip on the South Jersey map. In high school I wandered the same halls she did a generation before, and even had some of the same teachers. Her classmates were the parents of many of mine, and she had even dated the father of one of the boys I was dying to kiss. (This was, no doubt, a strong contributing factor to my small-town angst.)

Anyway, back to that yearbook.

She leafed through the pages of senior photos until she came to one in particular — Patricia Lee Smith. A small-town girl like me who had ambitions and dreams. A small-town girl who didn’t feel like she fit there. A small-town girl who, not too long after this picture was taken, moved to New York and started her journey to becoming Patti Smith, the revered Godmother of Punk.

 

 

“She made it out. You can, too, if you want to.”

And right then, without her permission or her knowledge, Patti Smith became my liberator . My mother was right — I wasn’t stuck here (or anywhere for that matter) unless I wanted to be.  The doors to that big world were indeed open — Patti had already swung ‘em wide. All I had to do was choose.

At this point of the story I’d like to tell you that, spurred on by Patti’s lead, I also went headlong into the world to become an amazing artist and do legendary things.

But I didn’t.

I went to college and travelled around a bit.  I met kindred spirits, and people even stranger than me.  I figured out who I was. And then, after years of trying to escape South Jersey, it suddenly occurred to me — I really liked it there.  So I moved back. I currently live one town over from the one I spent my “trapped” teenage years in. (And no, the irony of this does not escape me.)

I bet when Patricia Lee Smith had her photo taken that day in 1964, she had no idea it would ever be more than just another face in the Dorian.  But for me her presence in that yearbook signaled the promise of “possible;” photographic proof that you can go on to do great things no matter where you start out from. She became my guide through the fear of doing things differently and being myself.  In many ways she still is.

Thanks, Patti.  I owe you one.

 

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The right way to get eaten by a bear

Colleen Clifford

Beary Hungry

 

You’re taking a stroll through the woods, when suddenly you come upon a bear. A very angry bear. A very hungry bear. He sees you, and he’s headed your way.

You are faced with 3 choices:

1) Hunker down where you are and hope he’s the kind of bear that gets easily distracted.

2) Dive off the cliff to your left and plunge to a most certain death.

3) Head for the trees to your right and try to make a run for it.

Despite the crappy odds I’m making a run for the trees. There’s a high probability that this strategy won’t work. It’s scary as hell and is likely to end quite painfully. But I may just get lucky today. I won’t know unless I try. I’m willing to try.

What would you do?

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The Value of Everything

Colleen Clifford


 

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.

 

No truer words have ever been spoken.  Especially if you have a 5 year old in your house.

My son is a collector.  Not baseball cards, or action figures.  Just stuff.  All kinds of stuff.  Stuff you or I would probably dismiss as trash.  He finds it on walks outside, on the floors of department stores, everywhere. He’s a regular magpie.

As I was once again picking up some of his “treasures” from around the house today (that’s them up there), it dawned on me — he actually sees value in these things. He doesn’t see them as discarded bits (or bits that should be discarded), but items that can be repurposed or reimagined, or just enjoyed for their texture or how they reflect light in an interesting way.  He still appreciates things in a way that most of us have forgotten.

As he grows up the world will tell him what to value, and he’ll begin to believe. It will train him in its consumerist ways, dictating what is cool and what’s not, what should be coveted and what should be cast aside. He’ll want the newest video games and lust after techno gadgets, instead of that really odd-shaped rock.

And thinking about that makes me kind of sad. I hope he holds on to a bit of that appreciation for the quirky beauty of simple things. In the meantime I’ll retrieve these weird little odds and ends from between the sofa cushions and put them back in his treasure box.  Because today they’re still treasured.

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Three really easy (and really boring) things you need to do today

Colleen Clifford

String Finger Reminder on White

In the course of your busy life there are lots of things you forget to do, especially if they aren’t urgent or regularly scheduled.  Here are three you’ve probably skipped right over, but can help you extend the life of your purchases and save you money in the long run:

 

1)  Rotate your mattress

Extend the life of your mattress by rotating it every 3 months. This helps to even out the wear patterns, and ensures that you’ll keep getting a good night’s sleep.  Remember that most of today’s mattresses —especially those with pillow tops— are made to rotate only, not flip. (That flipping part was too hard anyway.)

 

2)  Check your tire pressure

Correct tire pressure is important for proper tire performance and safety.  Tires that are under- or over-inflated can change how your car handles, brakes, and rides.  And don’t forget that tire pressure can change with the temperature!  Check them now, and re-check when the seasons change.

 

3)  Replace your toothbrush

How long have you been using that thing?  Germs collect in there, you know. Change your toothbrush once every three months, or once the bristles start to fray to keep your smile healthy and the germs at bay.

 

See? Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?  (Boring, yes — but not hard.)

 

 

 

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How will you catch your next hire?

Colleen Clifford

Casting net (Menjala Ikan)

How do you find the right person for the job?  There are a number of options out there, and some are better than others depending on what kinds of skills you’re looking for. What’s the best way to find the best fit?

Employment listings

Newspapers, Monster, CareerBuilder — they’re all perfectly fine options, but only in a limited way. Keep in mind that the people you will reach are only those looking at that point in time, in that particular geographic area, and filtered by specific key words.  Those that do find your listing will then self-select; they’ll decide if they’re a fit for the job depending on the way you’ve chosen to word it.  Maybe your perfect person decides they’re not skilled enough to apply, or that the job posting is already two weeks old and they don’t stand a chance. Maybe you’ll get inundated with underqualified people who will shove a resume at any remotely related opening they come across (very likely with today’s unemployment levels). After you’ve sorted through all the resumes, are you really getting what you want, or just settling for the lesser of the presented evils?

If you do choose this route, try to find one or more of the job posting sites that’s targeted to the particular audience you’re looking for.  There are a number of them out there (both local and national) and a quick Google search can help you uncover them.

Headhunters

What could be easier than hiring a professional to do the searching for you? They have the inside track on where people you’re looking for can be found, and can weed out candidates that don’t really fit your needs.

Like any other profession, there are good ones and bad ones.  A good recruiter will leave no stone unturned until you have a proper fit, but there are those who will try to put the first available ass in the seat for a quick paycheck. You’re relying on how good they are at their job to fill your needs, so—as with any other hiring decision—make sure you do your due diligence when selecting one.

Window shop

Why not start looking now?  Even if you don’t have a position currently open, start identifying people in your industry (or outside of it) who may fit the bill should an opening come up.  Follow them, friend them, link to them, get to know them. Get an idea if they would be a good cultural fit for your company. See what they’re like and what they can do long before the “everyone on their best behavior” interview — that’s one of the unmentioned benefits of social media.

If a position opens, you’ll already have your own pre-vetted pool of people to choose from.  Since you’ve already identified and connected with “the right people”, even if none of them take the offer you can use this knowledge (their traits, skills, experience, etc.) to further inform and refine your search through other avenues.  Ask them if they know anyone they would recommend; the depth and breadth of their network (and the quality of people in it) just might surprise you.

The size of your net doesn’t matter so much as knowing where to cast it.

 

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How I Cheated Death (in 10 easy steps)

Colleen Clifford

Electricity Demon vs Child

Today I’m taking a break from my normal posts about creativity and business to wax poetic about my newfound homeowner skills — I replaced a garbage disposal!

Yeah, I know, I know… This probably rates a grandiose “so what” for the average person, but this was my first try ever with a repair of something electrical. I’m extremely proud of myself, and mostly for not dying in the process. So indulge me a little, ok?

To truly appreciate this tale you need to understand that I am terrified by all things electrical.  I’m okay (generally) with plugging things in, but messing with wires makes me twitch.  Actually it’s the thought of doing it incorrectly and twitching involuntarily that freaks me out. I do my best to avoid it.

I lived with a building contractor for a while, and he had a saying:

“Screwing up plumbing will get you wet. Screwing up electrical will get you dead.”

At the end of the relationship we didn’t agree on much, but I still take this little ditty as gospel.

So on to my story…

Last week I grab a plastic bag from under the kitchen sink, and what I retrieve is a bit soggy and sloshy. I’m thinking this is a bad sign, but hey — a leak under the sink can’t be that hard to fix, right?  So I grab a flashlight and start investigating the source.  And where is the water coming from?  The garbage disposal.  And not just any ol’ place on the garbage disposal — it’s dripping out from where the electrical wires go in.  Crap.

Last time I checked, electric + water = bad. Very bad.

This definitely needs to be fixed. <insert involuntary shudder here.>

I’m too cheap and impatient to hire someone to replace it for me, so I do what any self-respecting homeowner would do:

 

Step 1:  Consult friends on Facebook.

Everyone assures me that I can handle this repair on my own.  One male friend reminds me to shut off the circuit breaker before I fiddle with anything.  One female friend tells me that leg strength is greater than arm strength, so feel free to crawl under the sink and use thigh power on stuck things if necessary. Okay. Duly noted.

 

Step 2: Go to Lowe’s and procure replacement garbage disposal.

Picking up a box like I know what I’m doing and paying for it successfully does wonders for my Weekend Warrior ego. I now understand why the home improvement industry is making tons of money.

 

Step 3: Watch every video created on how to replace a garbage disposal on YouTube.

Thank God for the internet — it makes idiots like me feel semi-proficient on just about anything in a matter of minutes. I am convinced by these strangers that I can fix anything with a screwdriver and duct tape.

 

Step 4: Download most comprehensive video to iPad for handy step-by-step instructions.

Yet another great use for the iPad!  Much more convenient than running back and forth to the desktop computer in the bedroom.

 

Step 5:  Turn off the power to the disposal.

This important step was verified by my FaceBook friends, all the videos I watched, and my inherent fear of electricity.  I flipped the circuit breaker, then tested the switch to make sure the thing no longer growled.  I flipped the switch several more times just to make sure.  Then I verified that the switch (now without power) was in the off position just to be doubly safe.  Belt, suspenders, etc…

 

Step 6:  Disconnect old garbage disposal from plumbing.

Let’s just say that after 16 years of service the broken disposal was drippy, smelly, and all-around disgusting.  I’ll spare you the gory details.  Eww…

 

Step 7:  Disconnect wiring.

Here it is: the moment I dreaded most.  Having to touch the scary electrical stuff, and sopping wet scary electrical stuff at that. I toyed with the idea of flipping the wall switch one more time just to be sure it was off, but decided against it lest I release that one last zap trapped in the line. (Yes, I am that big of a weenie.) First I unlocked the front door just in case the paramedics needed to barge in and save me. (Yes, I really did. I’m not sure who would call them in the event of a tragedy since I was home alone, but maybe the neighbors would be concerned if their lights started to flicker.) I cursed the entire pot of coffee I drank earlier that morning on an empty stomach as I tried to hold the screwdriver steady.  I fished the soggy wiring out of the housing with a metal screwdriver against the protests of every sane fiber of my being, and…

No zap.  We’re good.  Whew…

 

Step 8: Reconnect wiring to new disposal.

Having escaped certain death on that last step, I am now filled with weekend Warrior bravado.  I grab those bare wires like a two-bit whore on a tight schedule and wrestle them into place.

Fun fact: Did you know that you can re-use wire nuts, and that you shouldn’t twist the wires together first?  (You probably did, but I had no clue.) Again, many thanks to Google and YouTube for their timely assistance.

 

Step 9: Mount new disposal on hanging bracket and reconnect plumbing.

Easy peasy.  No leaks so far, so we’re good.

 

Step 10:  Flip circuit breaker and pray for success.

New disposal purrs like a kitten. Success!

 

The final step:

Retire to the back yard with a beer to celebrate, and write this post about how I cheated death.  Looks like I’ll live to post another day.

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Down the Rabbit Hole: 5 Lessons

Colleen Clifford

[ pipedream ]

When’s the last time you read Alice In Wonderland? Probably when you were a kid, right? (Or maybe you just caught the Disney version, but I won’t tell. It’ll be our secret.)

It’s full of crazy characters and impossible stories that children just love. But it also holds some really good life lessons for adults too, if you read between the lines. That shouldn’t be too surprising, really — isn’t life full of crazy characters and impossible situations?

 

Drink Me. Eat Me.

After falling down the rabbit hole, Alice finds herself faced with many doorways, but none of which she can fit through. She has to change her size to get through to the other side.

Lesson learned: Sometimes getting past seemingly impossible obstacles merely requires a change in perspective.

 

Sticks and Stones.

Alice grows to enormous size in the White Rabbit’s house, drawing a crowd of gawkers in the process. They throw pebbles at her, which turn into little cakes. After eating them she shrinks back down to size.

Lesson learned: Other people’s criticisms don’t have to be hurtful. It may be just what you need to bring your ego back down to a manageable (and more productive) size.

 

Tea Totalers.

At the mad tea party, the Hatter reveals that they have tea all day because they are being punished by time — it has eternally stood still for them at 6pm. Alice leaves, stating that it was the stupidest tea party she’s ever been to.

Lesson learned: Some people are stuck exactly where they are. That doesn’t mean you need to be stuck with them. It’s okay to walk away.

 

You’re too big!

The dormouse scolds Alice for growing larger, claiming that she has no right to grow at such a rapid pace and take up all the air. Alice tells him that this is ridiculous — everyone grows and she can’t help it.

Lesson learned: Small people may be indignant at your growth, claiming that you’re taking something important away from them in the process. Ignore them –growth is a natural process, and there are plenty of resources to go around.

 

Off with their heads!

When Alice speaks out against the King and Queen of Hearts, the playing card army is set upon her. Alice’s sister wakes her up for tea, and she finds that the swarm of attackers is nothing more than fallen leaves which are easily brushed away.

Lesson learned: We imagine that others have more power against us than they really do. Sometimes it takes someone outside of the situation to wake us up to that fact.

 

Go ahead and follow the white rabbit down the hole. There’s some interesting stuff down there.

 

 

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Purgatory is now on Facebook!

Colleen Clifford

 

Greetings, Purgatory readers!  If you’re like me (and over 500 million other people), FaceBook has become a staple in your daily routine.  I’m all about making life easier, so I’ve put together a Picking Daisies in Purgatory FaceBook page.

 

Pop on over and like the page, and you’ll get your regular dose of Picking Daisies in Purgatory delivered right to your wall.  No muss, no fuss.  How simple is that?

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Are all your company’s oars in the water?

Colleen Clifford

Oar

If they’re not, you’re not alone. It’s quite a common problem, especially for small businesses in the process of growth.

When you first started the business, it was probably with a handful of people who you picked because they shared your vison, and everyone was pretty tuned-in to the common mission. You only had a handful of core products or services, so it was easy for your group to stay focused. You shared a common culture and set of beliefs that guided you in making decisions, and everyone pitched in wherever they could. All oars paddled in the same direction.

And then you started to become more successful. The clients started rolling in, the orders were more than your small group could handle alone, and you needed more oars in the water to move the boat forward. And so you started hiring.

With all these additional rowers your corporate boat should be clipping right along, right?

But it’s not… Your well-oiled machine starts to develop some squeaks. Things aren’t running quite as smoothly. Your employees aren’t getting along as well as they once did. The hull starts to spring a few leaks. The team’s mantra of “what else can I do?” starts to morph into a cranky whine of “that’s not my job.” Everyone’s paddling away, but the boat’s going nowhere fast. What happened?

Odds are you were so busy minding your business that you neglected to mind your culture.

Because your original team operated easily under the same guiding principals for so long, your corporate culture seems like a no-brainer — you start to take it for granted. Doesn’t everyone want this? Doesn’t everyone share these goals, this work ethic? Isn’t it natural for everyone to pull together? In the beginning that was probably true of your team — and probably why you ended up together (and were successful) in the first place.

When you started hiring new employees, did you hire for cultural fit, or a disembodied skill set? If you’re like most companies, you figured that as long as you filled the new seats with people who had the right qualifications in their resume they’ll naturally fall in line with your culture. Everyone would get along and play along. Everything would be fine. The new rowers would figure out the rhythm and the boat would move faster, right?

Wrong.

The more people you have in the boat, the more important synchronization becomes.

Sure, you need people with the right know-how to keep the business moving forward, but you also need the right beliefs and attitudes as well. Culture is an organic and ever-changing thing, and every person you hire has the ability to influence it — positively or negatively. Personal interaction is at the core of culture, and the types of people you hire (not you) will largely define it.

You need to make sure all your oarsmen are pulling to the same cadence.

Companies like Southwest Airlines and Zappos recognize this, and they go to great lengths to hire based on cultural fit as well as job skills. In fact, the importance of cultural fit actually outweighs raw talent in their interviewing process. Southwest has stated straight out that they hire for attitude and train for skill — that the candidate with the right personality type can be taught the job skills they need to be successful, but not vice versa. Zappos applicants interview with numerous employees throughout the company to test for cultural fit. These companies go to great lengths at the start to make sure that everyone will row in the same direction, regardless of the current size of their paddle. It’s really no coincidence that these companies have been so successful.

If you find yourself dealing with more issues inside your company than outside, perhaps it’s time to rethink how you think about hiring. Take the time to look for oarsmen who are willing to paddle in the same direction as your existing team. Once they’re on board you can always help them find a better oar.

A bad paddle is easily replaced. A bad oarsman can cost you the race.


 

 

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